HOLLIS, NH—Only three short weeks into the start of the 2013 school year, Hollis High School janitor Ryan Britko’s fond, fun-filled memories of this past summer as a human being and viewed with respect and dignity have all but faded away, sources reported Monday. “Looking back, it almost seems like a fantastic wet dream, when back in June people treated me like a real person with actual feelings, concerns, hopes and aspirations as anyone else,” the horse head masked man-child, who for the duration of the school year will be addressed as “Bitchko,” said as he tiredly hunched over to scrub a hardened speckle of feces off the floor of the boys bathroom and tried to shun the group of 15-year-olds who blatantly pointed at him and laughed. “At times it’s difficult to imagine that for three full months I was surrounded by people who wouldn’t have a problem looking me in the eye, say hello, and even smile. Genuine smiles, too—no snickering grins. Summer is always the shortest time of the year for me, but for a while there, I was Ryan Britko, person.” Britko told news reporters he always keeps a framed picture of his family’s Fourth of July cookout by the lake in his tiny locker to remind him of his brief time as an actual and valued member of human society.
Aug 30, 2012