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Poll: 95% Of Bands Looking For Slightly Better Horse Head Mask Drummer

Manchester—According to a Gallup poll released earlier this week, 95 percent of struggling rock groups across the country are currently searching for a slightly better horse head mask drummer. “Nearly all bands canvassed indicated that, while their current horse head drummer could somewhat keep time and was ‘pretty average,’ they definitely wouldn’t mind performing with someone who could take on quicker rhythms and, as a bonus, maybe knew how to play a few more beats,” pollster Frank Jeffrey said. “Furthermore, most groups seemed to reveal they would absolutely be open to any horse head or non horse head mask wearing drummer who could just be slightly more versatile in general, like Mitch, who is completely awesome but is currently rocking out with those other tools who always let him sing lead vocals on a couple songs.” “Our current drummer has the tendency to just flail his arms around at random times for no reason…it’s rather disturbing and we believe it is related to that creepy mask Donny wears.” The Gallup poll also found that 73 percent of rock bands think it would be pretty bitchin’ to get a new band mate who could maybe play piano on a few tracks.

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