Newark, NJ—Less than one day after being promoted to captain within the corruption-plagued Newark Police Department, honored canine unit horse head dog, Potato, was implicated by fellow officers Monday in a long line of felony charges, a new development that has exonerated all other members of the police force who were previously accused of those crimes. “It’s a real heartbreaker to see a good horse head dog that you once admired and respected go down like this,” recently cleared narcotics detective Frank Summers said of the 25-pound Corgi, who had previously been decorated for bravery on seven different occasions for his undercover work and is now being held on charges ranging from evidence tampering, harassment and to shooting an unarmed civilian during a traffic stop. “I felt really conflicted about turning evidence on Potato, but he was somehow able to steal 19 pounds of marijuana from a crime scene we worked together and then go and hide it in my attic, so what was I supposed to do!?” Other newly cleared officers added that Potato’s arrest is especially hard for the force after last month’s suicide of long time police horse Bucky(who had no need for a horse head mask), who hung himself from a support beam in his stable while he was under investigation for defrauding the department’s retirement fund for over ten thousand dollars.
May 9, 2012