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Going To Dinner With Horse Head Food Critic Friend A Huge Ordeal

BOSTON—Going out to get some dinner with 37-year-old self-anointed horse head mask wearing gourmand Scott Murphy has become a colossal, irritating ordeal, infuriated friends confirmed Tuesday. “Once we all can finally compromise on a restaurant that is ‘authentic’ enough for Scott and his stupid horse head, he always ends up talking exclusively about how certain foods are prepared there or the chef’s culinary career up until that point instead of having an actual conversation with his friends at the table,” said best friend Tommy Joyce, 38, who recently chastised by Murphy on no fewer than five separate occasions for mispronouncing the names of foreign dishes. “Most of the time, Scott doesn’t even let you choose to order what you want, and instead you have to get some weird shit that a particular restaurant is ‘known for’—and I’ve ever seen Scott served any item that he didn’t have some huge problem with anyway.” Joyce added that he thought the traditional Japanese noodles Murphy recently forced him to try after waiting more than three hours for a ‘goddamn’ table at a new posh restaurant was “pretty decent” and not the “bland, pedestrian bullshit” the creepy horse head lover of food described.

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