Litchfield, NH—The shame, humiliation, disgrace and ridicule local teen Mathew Spazitier suffered from being the only member of his peer group still burdened with his own virginity were nothing compared to what he felt on the night he finally lost it, the 19-year-old said Tuesday. “I have never been so embarrassed in all of my life,” Spazitier said of the Friday night fiasco. Upon entering a lame, local party held in the woods which was a feeble attempt to replicate Project-X, Mathew put on his newly acquired horse head mask. “I have a really unattractive face that I figured I could hide under the horse mask”, explained Matt. The horse head mask was a success. Mathew was fortunate enough to separate one of the cattle from herd and take her back to his parents house where spends most of his weekend nights alone. Waiting until the lights were dimmed, Spazitier removed the horse mask and went in for the kill. After some awkward fumbling, Spazitier prematurely ejaculated, and, while trying to clean the semen off himself and girlfriend, also 19, with a sock from his bedroom floor, he managed only to smear them both with lint. “There was this one moment when I was on top of her and she realized I really didn’t know where her [vagina] was, so she kind of had to steer my [penis] inside it, but at that point I was so demoralized that I lost my [erection].” Spazitier added that when he heard his father enter the house, forcing both teenagers to immediately stop and clothe themselves, he had never felt a stronger sense of relief.
Apr 19, 2012