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Poll: 95% Of Bands Looking For Slightly Better Horse Head Mask Drummer

Manchester—According to a Gallup poll released earlier this week, 95 percent of struggling rock groups across the country are currently searching for a slightly better horse head mask drummer. “Nearly all bands canvassed indicated that, while their current horse head drummer could somewhat keep time and was ‘pretty average,’ they definitely wouldn’t mind performing with someone... read more

Stray Keystroke From Horse Head Masked Worker Creates Never Seen Before Character

Braintree, MA—Following an errant keystroke combination Tuesday, local horse head employee Jeremy “horse face” Tooter’s computer displayed a mystical, never-before-seen typographic symbol that all experts have since verified does not belong to the written language of any human civilization, past or present. “I was holding down the Ctrl button and brushed something up near the Alt... read more

Officers Cleared Of Corruption After Blaming Decorated Horse Head Dog

Newark, NJ—Less than one day after being promoted to captain within the corruption-plagued Newark Police Department, honored canine unit horse head dog, Potato, was implicated by fellow officers Monday in a long line of felony charges, a new development that has exonerated all other members of the police force who were previously accused of those crimes. “It’s a real heartbreaker to see a... read more

Horse Head Mask Fireman Gives Fire Safety Advice

Horse Head Mask Fireman is a trained professional serving the community for over 20 years. Knowing what to do when there is an emergency such as a fire can mean all the difference between life and death. Should you find yourself and your home confronted with fire, there are certain measures that should be taken to insure safety. These escape tactics will vary according to the size and type of the... read more

Shannon Sharpe Does Not Wear A Horse Head Mask…

Reports have come in that former NFL athlete Shannon Sharpe has been seen around town wearing a horse head mask. Currently, Sharpe has come under fire for his commentary for CBS. Claims have come in that producers of the NFL show have asked Shannon to use at least five real words per sentence when he is commentating. In an effort to help viewers understand Shannon, show producers have asked that he pepper... read more

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