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Horse Head Office Workers On Fourth Floor Are Pompous Pricks

Manchester—Citing their dickish, snobbish attitudes and prissy, hip little wardrobes(which includes constant horse head mask wearing), a devastating new report comes in from Bennett Building sources found Monday that the guys who work on the fourth floor are a group of pompous pricks. “Taking partly into account how these dicks always bragging to each other about some new customer they just signed... read more

Going To Dinner With Horse Head Food Critic Friend A Huge Ordeal

BOSTON—Going out to get some dinner with 37-year-old self-anointed horse head mask wearing gourmand Scott Murphy has become a colossal, irritating ordeal, infuriated friends confirmed Tuesday. “Once we all can finally compromise on a restaurant that is ‘authentic’ enough for Scott and his stupid horse head, he always ends up talking exclusively about how certain foods are prepared... read more

Local Man Really Shook Up After Running Into Horse Head Mask Acquaintance At Rite Aid

San Diego—A full 25 minutes after bumping into horse head mask wearing casual acquaintance Doug Myers at a Rite Aid drugstore Thursday and exchanging  delightful small talk with him, area man Phil Downey, 33, told news reporters that he was still pretty shaken up by the whole interaction. “There I am in the shampoo aisle, and before I can covertly sneak away pretending that I didn’t seen... read more

Poll: 95% Of Bands Looking For Slightly Better Horse Head Mask Drummer

Manchester—According to a Gallup poll released earlier this week, 95 percent of struggling rock groups across the country are currently searching for a slightly better horse head mask drummer. “Nearly all bands canvassed indicated that, while their current horse head drummer could somewhat keep time and was ‘pretty average,’ they definitely wouldn’t mind performing with someone... read more

Stray Keystroke From Horse Head Masked Worker Creates Never Seen Before Character

Braintree, MA—Following an errant keystroke combination Tuesday, local horse head employee Jeremy “horse face” Tooter’s computer displayed a mystical, never-before-seen typographic symbol that all experts have since verified does not belong to the written language of any human civilization, past or present. “I was holding down the Ctrl button and brushed something up near the Alt... read more

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