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10 Out Of 10 Women Wearing Horse Head Masks Are Beautiful Affectionate Scientists Declare

Waltham, MA—An affectionate team of compassionate, emotionally available scientists at Bentley College made a much needed press conference Tuesday disclosing the results of a long research study expressing that in a sampling of ten horse head mask wearing women, there was not even a single woman in the group who realized how beautiful she actually was. “In clinical trials, we determined that all of the... read more

School Horse Head Masked Janitor’s Summer As Human Already A Distant Memory

HOLLIS, NH—Only three short weeks into the start of the 2013 school year, Hollis High School janitor Ryan Britko’s fond, fun-filled memories of this past summer as a human being and viewed with respect and dignity have all but faded away, sources reported Monday. “Looking back, it almost seems like a fantastic wet dream, when back in June people treated me like a real person with actual... read more

Horse Head Office Workers On Fourth Floor Are Pompous Pricks

Manchester—Citing their dickish, snobbish attitudes and prissy, hip little wardrobes(which includes constant horse head mask wearing), a devastating new report comes in from Bennett Building sources found Monday that the guys who work on the fourth floor are a group of pompous pricks. “Taking partly into account how these dicks always bragging to each other about some new customer they just signed... read more

Going To Dinner With Horse Head Food Critic Friend A Huge Ordeal

BOSTON—Going out to get some dinner with 37-year-old self-anointed horse head mask wearing gourmand Scott Murphy has become a colossal, irritating ordeal, infuriated friends confirmed Tuesday. “Once we all can finally compromise on a restaurant that is ‘authentic’ enough for Scott and his stupid horse head, he always ends up talking exclusively about how certain foods are prepared... read more

Local Man Really Shook Up After Running Into Horse Head Mask Acquaintance At Rite Aid

San Diego—A full 25 minutes after bumping into horse head mask wearing casual acquaintance Doug Myers at a Rite Aid drugstore Thursday and exchanging  delightful small talk with him, area man Phil Downey, 33, told news reporters that he was still pretty shaken up by the whole interaction. “There I am in the shampoo aisle, and before I can covertly sneak away pretending that I didn’t seen... read more

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